Uberman: A Superhero Musical

Evil!

Dr. Laserbrain has just been told of the failure of all his hired villains, and in response he kills the messenger (literally at the end of the song) while also taking the time to do a flashy number about how evil he is.

Laserbrain: Who am I?  WHO AM I?!  I’M DR. LASERBRAIN!

You dare ask the name of the exemplar of evil?
You’re a fool not to know of my esteem.
My cruelty knows no limits, I’m vicious to the bone,
I dance to the sound of people scream!

Pulls out his remote and presses a button while doing a jig.  A horrific scream is hear offstage.

You’ve failed me once, and only once!
I will not tolerate defeat!
Prepare to pay the Laserbrain way!
And beg for mercy on your knees!

Chorus

Wicked evil! x4

Hilda: Dr. Laserbrain, your orbital laser is back online!
Laserbrain: Oh, capital!  Hilda, calibrate the coordination systems.  Ray, hold this cretin until I’m ready to deal with him.
Ray: Doing what doctor says gives Ray candy! (tackles the messanger)

A map of the world comes down.

Laserbrain

There’s a village in Taiwan, I think I’d like to see it gone,
so let my laser fire, HILDA NOW!
I don’t like Canada on the map,
I want to give that place a ZAP!
Let it burn in my ultra-laser’s path!

Hilda: We serve Herr Doctor Laserbrain to ensure his Laser reich will reign.
Ray: The Doctor is my bestest friend! I’ll follow him to the very end!

Laserbrain

My minions are correct in being on my side!
They’ll be handsomely rewarded when humanity has fried!

Manical laughter.

I torture my victims with an array of grusome tools,
until they say uncle. SAY IT!

Puts the messenger in a headlock.

Messenger: Uncle!

Laserbrain

I have no regard for Geneva rules,
the U. N. can kiss my evil butthole.
No man or beast can match my malice.
Not Cthulu or the wicked witch!
Not Hannibal Lecter, or Norman Bates!
Even Satan …is my bitch.

When all is done, I will have won!
The world will be within my grasp!
Obama will bow to the Laserbrain crown!
And none will stand in my-

Ray: But doctor, what about Uberman?
Laserbrain: Uberman…Uberman will not live to see the rise of my reign.  I’ll squash him like the bug he is.

Uberman is but a kink in my plans.
Just a minuscule pest, who will perish with the rest!
Every person I’ll oppress.
Every law I will transgress.
This Uberman will scream,
At the hands of my regime!.
And then I’ll reign supreme!

Shoots the messenger.  Lights out.

Forget the Uberdick

Jeremy Burnham has an infatuation with his co-worker Fran.  Unfortunately for him, she sees him for the spoiled chicken shit he is and instead turns her interest towards Uberman.  Jeremy despises Uberman because of this.  In this song, he tries once again to confidently ask her out, but eventually that confidence fades and he shows his desparation and spite for Uberman.

C’mon babe forget the Uberdick,
He’s nothing but a costumed twit.
You’re too hot of a chick to be
Fawning over some Uberdick.
Fran, come out with me tonight,
We’ll have dinner by candle light.
If I play my cards right,
You’ll be in my bed by the end of the night!

Fran slaps Jeremy.

                   Fran                                                                   Jeremy
Why can’t you take no for an answer?                       What does “no” mean?
I’m not remotely into you!                                           Define “remotely.”
Is this sexual harassment yet?!

Jeremy
I love it when you play hard to get,
But no more games, you’ve already won
A date tonight with a true Don Juan!

So, c’mon Fran, it’s time for you to choose,
Either me or that super stooge.
I’m a guy you can’t refuse!

Fran
Will you ever get a clue?!

Jeremy

Damn it Fran! You’ve gotta give me a shot!
Ya got my heart in a knot.
What’s he got that I don’t got?!
What makes Uberman so freakin hot?!

Fran: You want to know?  He’s a man of action.  When he wants something done he gets it done.  He doesn’t sit back in an office all day playing online poker.
Jeremy: I’ll tell you what, Fran.  Once I get superpowers, I’ll do what he does.  Until then, I’m doing the best I can stuck here.
Fran: You don’t do anything here.  The only reason you have this job is because your millionaire daddy funds Jackie’s campaign.
Jeremy: That’s not true!
Fran: You know it is.  This city needs more men like Uberman.  Strong, brave, and determined men that get the job done.  Not snivelling, whiny, cocky little creeps like -

Jeremy
SHADDDUP!
Uberman is just an Uberdick!
The fact that you like him makes me SICK!
Can’t anyone see through his lies?
I’ll prove it to you all he’s a bad guy.
Finally I’ll do him in,
Expose the fraud he really is.
You’ll want me then Fran,
And not that cretin Uberman!

It’s Time For Justice!

This is the opening number to the show, chronicling Uberman’s childhood.  The title “It’s Time For Justice” later becomes signnificant, as it’s Uberman’s catch phrase when he goes into battle.  Many people make fun of him for having such a cliche motto.  Anyway, the lyrics:

Let me tell you the story of a man so strong,
Whose courage and wit were unmatched.
No evil or sin could corrupt him from within,
Nor plans his enemies would hatch.
His origins unknown lost in history,
His name forgotten throughout the land,
But now the legend’s been revealed,
Escaped from mystery - the tale of Uberman.

He’d face trials and challenges,
That would test his every might.
No matter what he’d face,
He’d never cease to fight.

Chorus:

It’s Time For Justice! x4

A baby was found on the steps of an orphanage,
Where he would grow up lost and alone.
They’d cast him out, call him monster and FREAK!
They feared what to them was strange and unknown.
And as he grew, his powers would too,
His hands would burn, his blood would rage.
It made his muscles tough, super fast and super strong,
But even more grief would come with his age.

Not a single family would take him in.
He’d move from home to home.
And with every new home, he’d fight for his own,
until the bullies would leave him alone.

Oh Uberman, the world needs you now.
You’ll break from your seculsion and make a vow,
Whereever you may go, justice will be found.

It’s Time For Justice! x8

Tears of a Superhero (Or Evil Genius)

The city has turned on Uberman, blaming him for the ensuing mayhem.  Saddened by the state of affairs, he fantasizes about a world that’s perfect for a superhero.  Dr. Laserbrain later joins him with similar fantasies in response to the hardships of being an evil genius.

Uberman:

All I wanted in my life was to do what I knew right.
All I wanted was to bring the people peace
Now that peace is gone,
To them I’m just a con
I only wish they could understand that I’m just a man like them.

I dream of a world where I can be
The superhero inside of me.
Where society, accepts me as a friend.
A world without any torment,
Where love fills every moment.
Then I realize I’m all alone,
Crying tears of a superhero

Uberman exits.  The scene changes to Dr. Laserbrain’s lair.  Laserbrain, Hilda, and Ray enter.

Laserbrain: You ate the conduit relay?!
Ray: Mmmm-hmmm.
Laserbrain: What made you think you could eat the conduit relay?!
Ray: She said I could!
Hilda: He said he vas hungry.
Laserbrain: Get out of my sight!  Both of you!

They leave.  Laserbrain sighs.

Laserbrain: Why is it so hard being an evil genius?

All I wanted in my life
Was to end all life,
Or at least enslave all humanity.
Soon they all will cry,
They will bow to me or die
I only wish they could love me for the over lord I am!

I dream of a world where I can be
The greatest villain in history.
Where people bend to my every whim
As I tear them limb from limb.
A world where I can torture men,
Without U. N. intervention.
With slaves whom I can trust to dry my
Tears of an evil genius.

Uberman:                                                          Laserbrain:

Is there any hope for us?                                 Will we ever reach our dreams?
Will I ever gain their trust?                               Will I ever reign supreme?
I can’t live behind this mask.                             I can’t work with imbeciles.

I only wish that they knew

Both:

That we have feelings too!
We dream of a world where heroes and foes
live together without any woes.

Laserbrain:

Where I do some bad:

Uberman:

And I make it right!

Both:

We fight a little bit, then we call it a night.
In this world, the people will stay
On our side through night and day
And finally, there’ll be no more.
Tears of a Superhero / Tears of an Evil Genius